once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she peed on how many people?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
