He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
