they need to just BURY HIM!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
