i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
