Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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