i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
