I hate all girls vehemently.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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