That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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