I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
