what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
