she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
