and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize