Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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