cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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