oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
