a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
