I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
