my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
