My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
