I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
