remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
