tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
