Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize