So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
