Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
