Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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