I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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