I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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