yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
