And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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