you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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