You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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