I checked into jail on foursquare
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
