i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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