my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
