we're blogging at a bar
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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