I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
