Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
