Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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