Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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