I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
