Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
