I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
