Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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