; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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