sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
