I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
