I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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