So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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