needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
