see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
