I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
