i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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