Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
