gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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