he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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