the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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