This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
