Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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