i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
